Dear Bently,

Today we went to the pumpkin patch and it was a little rough for you! Now understand, I have been looking forward to going to the pumpkin patch since like September, maybe even earlier. It's one of my favorite family activities because the adults like it and the kids love it! So you can imagine my disappointment when you cried for half of the trip. You were obviously scared of something at the pumpkin patch. I think we finally came to the conclusion that you were scared of the animals, but that's just a guess. I was about to give up and just go home when I decided to try one more activity. You see, usually we can snap you out of it if we can distract you with something. So off we went to the corn pit. It's like a sandbox but filled with corn kernels. At first you wouldn't get in and it was just me, Dad and Livvy. Finally Dad picked you up and plopped you into the corn. That did it. I saw a small smile on your lips and I knew we were golden! You were 100% happy and adorable the rest of the time! You wanted to go on the hay ride and the slides and we went on a little animal train. The only disappointing thing was we didn't have much time to truly enjoy it after that because I had to work. But I'm just grateful we got some fun in there. :) You kept telling us you were going to be a farmer! It was adorable! And you still have a love for pumpkins. You would scream "PUMPKIN!" every time we saw one, which was very often! :)

We also went to Vernal this weekend to see Uncle Cole and Aunt Jen! We had a blast and you had so much fun with your cousins. It was so wonderful having older kids around to help watch you. You had more freedom than ever. I didn't even know where you were most of the time! ;) You ran outside and inside and played with their dog. It was entertaining to see how you interacted with all of your cousins! You were actually super good at sharing! And you and Skylar had a blast playing together! I always dreamed of these days when you two were born so close together! I can't wait for the summer when you can play with Skylar and Luke! :)

I love you so much handsome!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

You are at a very confusing age. I just do not understand you thought process. Here is my biggest frustration right now. You are terrified of everything. Like everything. But the weirdest is you have started to become so scared of preschool. Preschool is held at Grandma's house and is taught by both your grandmas! It just doesn't make since how you could be afraid. We have spent hours in that house, in the preschool room even! I've tried talking to you about it but you never give me a reason why you are scared. The past 3 or 4 times it has been so hard to drop you off! You cry and scream, "I want my mommy!" And it just breaks my heart. Even though I know you are safe and you're going to be taken care of! If it were up to me I would've let you stay home. But your Dad said no. I know it was the right choice but he's not the one that has to drop you off! :( I love you son! I hate hearing your cry. The weird thing is every time I pick you up you are so happy and go on and on about what you learned in preschool! Today I almost took you with me, but I was glad I didn't. When I came back to pick you up the first thing you said was, "I had fun in preschool!" I knew you would! I love you and I hate having to watch you go through hard things but those are the things that help us grow. I look forward to the day where you are no longer scared of preschool!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

Today was an eventful day. Okay not really, I just feel like I have a lot of different things to say, and they don't really correlate with each other. So bear with me.

The first is you walked back and forth with me to the dumpster. And on the way we had some deep conversation. We discussed that you are wearing red, like Mario. Then we figured out we were matching because we were both wearing red! At one point I asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up. I have asked this question multiple times, because you never really give me an answer. I'm starting to think the idea is to complex for you. Anyways, you gave an answer this time! You said, "I was to be a pirate like Daddy, and strong like Daddy!" It melted my little mommy heart! I immediately had to call your Dad and tell him! He was touched too! :)

The hard part of the day came when I wouldn't let you play Mario Kart Wii. Can I tell you how much Mario Kart Wii has been such an issue in our house! You constantly want to play it. When you're not playing it you laze around and do nothing and just whine! It's seriously so annoying! You never give up asking! You ask over and over again. Ugh! So today I wouldn't let you play because you had already spent plenty of time in front of the tv. Your whines turned from, I want to play Mario Kart Wii to, "I want Annie to come over. You go to work Mom!" Now this isn't usually such a big deal. I get it. Annie comes over, and all she has to worry about is hanging out with you. Unlike me, who has to cook and clean and run errands and do other such not fun things. So I get it, Annie is fun. But today that was really, REALLY hard to hear. It might have been that you said it right after Livvy had been screaming for over an hour, or the fact that the house was a mess and I didn't have time to clean it and cook dinner. Or the fact that my dinner was going all wrong. But today, it hurt a lot. It hurt me that I can't be the one taking care of you all the time. It hurt to hear that, even if it's just when you're mad, you prefer someone over me. Now, I know in my non-emotional mind that you are just 3 years old and you  of course love your Mommy the most. But I am not a rational person when I am emotional. I guess I just want you to know that I love you more than anything. I am always here for you and I work hard so that one day I can be the one taking care of you all the time. All I want is to be a stay at home Mom. And maybe, with a couple miracles and some faith, we'll get there some time soon!

I love you so much my handsome man!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

You have started getting so tired in the afternoons. You refuse to nap and you don't often fall asleep before 8:30, despite we usually have you in bed by 7:30. Yesterday you were exhausted. I know your tired when you tell me "Mom, I'm so tired!" We went to the store, where you sat in the cart the whole time, then I loaded you into the car. Every time we go to the store, I load you and Liv into the car and walk the cart to the drop off area. I do this, every. single. time. So I didn't think anything of it. I climbed back in the car and I hear your tiny voice say something. I ask "What?" You said, "I lost you!" That's what I always tell you when you wander away from me in the store. I turned and saw your little face, and your lip was quivering. I said, "I'm sorry! Were you scared?" You immediately burst into tears! I climbed out of the car, and hugged you the best I could with you in your car seat. I felt so bad! You were so scared! I told you I will never, ever leave you. Not ever. And I mean it! I'm always here for you my sweet son! I love you!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

Being a mother is a strange thing. It changes you to your very core. Today I came home on break, expecting to find you happy and ready to eat dinner with me. As I walked to the house I heard you crying. I immediately knew something wasn't right. It's hard to explain, but I just knew it. I ran inside to find Annie apologizing to me, saying she didn't know what was wrong. I ran into the bedroom to find you bawling your eyes out on your bed. I can't explain to you the guilt I felt. The guilt of not being there for you when you were in such distress. I knew you were sick. There was no doubt in my mind. I scooped you up as quickly as possible and cuddled you and kissed you. There was no thought of "Oh but I might get sick". I just knew you were hurting and I hated it. Later, you threw up all over the couch. I do not like throw up. In fact I hate a phobia of throwing up when I was younger. But one look in your eyes, how scared you were, the throw up didn't even phase me. All I wanted to do was help you and make sure you were alright. You see, being a parent is an amazing thing. It changes you in ways you don't fully understand. All I know is I would do absolutely anything to keep you safe. To keep you from pain and worry. I heard a quote once that said,

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

This is exactly how I feel about you. I love you so much Bently. I hope you feel better. And forgive me for not being there for you when you were so sad and so sick. I love you more than anything in the entire world.

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

Literally 2 minutes ago you walked in to my work with your Dad. It was a normal visit where you covered the white board in smiley faces, commented on the cars you could see on the tv, and twirled in the chairs. As you left though you yelled back at me, "I love you the most Mom!" You have no idea how much my little heart just melted in that moment! I love you the most kid!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

We went camping with my side of the family a couple weekends ago (August 15-16) I tried to get you amped up talking about sleeping in a tent. Turns out, that wasn't such a good idea. On more than one occasion you told us, "No sleep in a tent, that later!" :)

We arrived and you had a BLAST. I mean you loved ever second of it. You loved being around so many kids! You spent the beginning part with Kara mostly. You guys collected grasshoppers. It fascinated me watching you interact with the bugs. Mostly when we're at home you are obsessed with "popping" them. Aka squishing them! ;) But you had a blast alongside all the kids collecting the grasshoppers and showed no fear. I always worry my bug phobia will transfer to you!

Once we drove down the mountain and back (we forgot our food and had to go buy more) you seemed to more evenly spread out your time! You spent a lot of time with Uncle Cole's dog. It was adorable to watch how much you loved that dog. Too bad for you because Dad is severely allergic. That's a dream that will probably never happen!

You loved the campfire and did pretty well staying away from it. I was worried you would be bad, but you were safe and careful. You loved the s'mores too! Just like me! (Dad won't eat them!) Uncle Cole had brought up some children's Unisom and offered you some. That was the best idea ever! 30 minutes later you were exhausted and ready for bed. It still took you a good 30 minutes to fall asleep, but that's much better than I pictured. You almost slept the whole night. You woke up at 5 am and had a conversation with Dad. I mostly slept through it. But you eventually fell back asleep!

You had a melt down on our mini hike. You were just exhausted and out of your element. You were screaming and crying and wanting to be held. OH man. I thought for sure you were going to fall asleep on the car ride home, but surprisingly you and Dad stayed awake and sang together! :)

I love you my big handsome camping man! I can't wait for next year!

Love,
Mom