Dear Bently,

I just wanted to write down to cute things you said over the past couple days! The first is you are always asking to look at pictures of random things on my phone. Sometimes it's something you don't recognize but mostly it's animals. We look at dogs, cats, starfish, ect. Well today you were asking me to look at a picture of a dog I think, and you ask me to "google goggle" it! I had you repeat it a couple times just because it was so darn cute! I hope you always call it google goggle! :)

The second is we were at the park and a little boy kept throwing himself down the slide while screaming, "Calabunga!!" Not to be out down you immediately follow suite, head first down the slide. Though you started screaming out, "California!" Hahaha!  Obviously you haven't seen much ninja turtles! :)

I love you cutie!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

Being a parent is hard. So much harder than I imagined. I guess that's not 100% true. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the constant need, that all I expected. That I was mostly prepared for. I expected that to be the hard part. But I'm learning that's actually the easy part. That part has usually simple answers. Take naps, time out, and endless patience. The hard part is the problems where the answers aren't so easy. Where you don't know the right answer or if there is one. 

I talked to you about your fears. It's been a struggle. You currently are laying in my bed. Every light in the room is on. We have music going and your stuffed monkey sitting on top of your head. You're terrified. So you sit with your head under monkey. You screamed and cried.  You looked at me with a red face, tears streaming down your cheeks, and begged me to stay. To cuddle with you! And boy do I want to. But at the same time, I know I can't live the next months cuddling you till you fall asleep. I'm going to have a newborn. And I need to get housework and other things done. If I cuddle you, you stay awake for hours. I assured you a hundred times your safe and I love you. But leaving and walking out of that room maybe one of the hardest things I've done as a parent thus far. I just want to protect you and keep you safe. I want you to feel safe. I don't know how to help you and it's killing me. So while your dad easily headed down stairs I sit here. In the hallway. Trying not to cry myself. I don't want you to be scared and alone. Even if you don't know I'm here, it makes me feel better. I hope you know I love you with my whole heart. More than I ever thought possible. I never want you to experience any sort of pain. But I know it helps you grow and learn. I just hope you know I'm always here for you. Loving and supporting you even if you may not be able to see me. I love you Bently Elmer. I hope one day you can read these words as an adult and feel my love. And know I didn't leave you. That I sat on the floor in the hallway wishing you peace. I love you sweet boy!!

Love,

Mom

Dear Bently,

I have been seriously slacking on writing you letters! To be fair life has been crazy busy around these here parts! I don't know if I've mentioned it yet but you are getting a new sibling! Actually really soon! I'm due in like 56 days or something! :) You're going to get a new brother! I am excited and terrified to see how it goes adding another one this time around! It's weird because you actually mostly understand what's going on. You talk about the baby all the time and are always wanting to feel him move or listen to his heartbeat. Olivia has no idea, but you kid, you are excited to get a little brother! :)

Okay I have made a list of things I wanted to mention to you so sorry if this letter is a little random!

You say "Ah!" When something is cute! You also put on this high pitched voice and it's pretty hilarious! You'll say things like "Ah what a cute little bird!" Or "Cute little doggy!" You are always making us laugh with that one!

You say restaurant so funny! I keep trying to film it! You leave out the t so it sounds like resaurant. It maybe my favorite word you say!

One of things I love about you that I've mentioned before is you will randomly tell me you love me. Or you'll say it to Dad. Just out of no where you'll say, "I love you Mom!" Every time it makes my little heart melt. :) One time I was going to the bathroom down stairs so you had to go upstairs to go. Well I was stuck on the toilet so I couldn't exactly go to you! Well Olivia and your Dad were sleeping and you kept yelling down at me. I kept trying to loudly tell you to be quiet but it wasn't working! You were just yelling down random things about going to the potty or what we were going to do that day. I kept getting more and more frustrated till finally you yelled down "MOM" and I snapped, "What!!!"  In a little bit quieter voice you say, "I love you!" Talk about making me feel guilty! You little stinker! :)

You have this weird tick lately where the toilet lids always have to be shut. I think it's because you've witnessed me drop quite a few things into the toilet and it's made you paranoid! Ops! Sometimes I'll barley stand up after using the bathroom and you are right behind me shutting it. I mean they have to be shut. So often you'll yell to me, "shut the toilet mom!" It's not such a bad thing I guess. Just kind of a strange thing for you to be worried about! ;)

The other day I was talking to you and out of no where you said, "You're a good mom" Let me tell you that just made my entire year! I couldn't believe you would think to say something like that all by yourself! Especially on a day where I wasn't feeling like a good mom. It's moments like those that make all the frustrating ones worth it! You are so cute my son and I just can't help but love you to pieces!

Another cute story is you were praying the other night and you just recently have started to switch up your prayers. You used to always say the same thing. It went like this. "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day. Thank you for Dad, Mom, Olivia, Bently, and baby. Please bless I'll sleep all night long. In the  name of Jesus Christ Amen." So when you started switching it up I got really excited because you currently say pretty much 100% of the prayers in our house! Well one night you said, "Please bless we'll be a family forever and have fun!" I can't even tell you how much I hope we'll be a family forever! :) I'm glad you want to keep us around!

The last thing is your fears. You've always been a pretty anxious child but lately something has really triggered fears in you. You refuse to be left alone anywhere. You won't go anywhere without me or Dad or Liv and you are terrified to sleep at night. I feel but and frustrated all at once! It's frustrating because you can't tell me what you're afraid of. You just say everything! You will sleep with Olivia but she cries if you go in there before she's asleep. Before I would just have you fall asleep in our room and then move you once you were both asleep. Obviously that doesn't work anymore. I can't decide if I should coddle you or give you some tough love! Last night was the worst! I couldn't get Olivia to sleep and you wouldn't sleep and I had been trying for an hour and a half. Your Dad was at work so it was just me and I was pregnant emotional and done. I just wanted to get things done and I was tired of sitting in my room waiting for you to go to sleep, again, for 90 minutes! Finally you said, "Mom" and I snapped, "What Bently!?!" Well I guess you were emotional too because you burst into tears and sobbed, "Don't yell at me, I'm tired and sick!" (You have a cold) It broke my heart and I felt so bad for snapping at you! (I didn't yell by the way). I immediately cuddled you in bed and told you how sorry I was! I'm working on patience but it is not an easy thing to gain that's for sure! I hope we can figure out what's scaring you so badly. It's gotten to the point where you won't even go to the bathroom by yourself because you're scared. Wish us luck figuring out how to help you!

I love you more than I could put into words Bently! I love 4 year old you! I love hearing what you are thinking and what you want. I could listen to you talk all day, and I do! ;)

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

A couple week back I started realizing mothers day was approaching and I had a child old enough to sing to me in Sacrament meeting. I was so dang excited. After awhile though it occurred to me that we weren't practicing any mother's day songs in primary. When I inquired about it I was told that ward didn't have the children sing. I was devastated. Luckily, seeing as I'm in the presidency, I mentioned it to the right people and suddenly, the primary was singing for the Mother's day! With the not singing crisis avoided I was over the moon excited.

Today was Mother's day. Now Dad worked so really Mother's day was just like any other day. EXCEPT my child was going to sing to me in Sacrament. I was so dang thrilled. I would get teary eyed just thinking about my little boy up in front singing to me! Your Dad even got up to come and watch you sing in Sacrament for the first time! The time came and at first you were a little confused and tried to leave the Sacrament room. But we turned you around and got you headed in the right direction. Imagine my excitement when you stood in front right where I could see you. You smiled at us and we quietly waved. The prelude music started and I glanced down at Olivia for a second. When I looked up, you were gone. I couldn't see you anywhere. Your Dad informed me that you had walked behind some kids. The whole song you were not visible. I was devastated. My pregnancy emotions were pretty powerful and I may have even gotten a little teary eyed over the whole situation. When the song ended I asked you where you had gone. You told me you were standing by the microphone. You just wanted to be heard. You sweet thing. I still love you even if I couldn't hear or see you sing in Sacrament. Good thing Father's day is in a month! There's always a second try. Even if you won't be singing to me! ;)

I love you son! I am so grateful that I get to be your mother. I'm grateful for you making me a mother first. You sure are my guinea pig child and I love you all the more for it!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

We had a busy couple of days that's for sure! With your dad being off for his surgery we decided to go down to davis county for a couple days. Before we couldn't stay out long. This time we stayed from Friday till Tuesday! I was nervous! I had no idea how you or Olivia would handle it. You did pretty good. You mostly fell asleep with little issue. We did have some late nights and you were totally off your schedule and when you get tired you get violent and defiant. But again, it wasn't awful!!

So Saturday night we had a wedding reception to go to. Potter's little sister got married. When we told you we were going to a wedding all you could talk about was the food. Lol. We figured out fast why you like to go! We were watching them cut the cake and all you kept asking Dad was were is the foos? Hahahaha! That night we stayed at the hyers! Livvy screamed most of the night but you slept good!! 

The next day we did lots of birthday party finishing touches. You were so excited for your party! You kept asking if we were going to the "party store". You loved getting things for your party. You also asked everyone we met if they were coming. It's a good thing we invited everyone we knew!!! 

Sunday we went to church with grandma Kay Lynn and grandpa Paul. You had a hard time sitting still and being quiet. In the middle of sacrament you opened up the hymn book and started singing "Follow the Prophet" pretty loudly! Lol. I was worried about dropping you off at a primary you didn't know but you were brave!!! I had a harder time leaving then you! 

Straight from church we headed off to arctic circle to set up! You had fun seeing all the decorations and running around like a crazy person! ;) Then it was time for your party! Boy did we have a turn out! I always expect less people to show up then actually do! In total we had 60 people there (including us). It was crazy! It felt super chaotic but Grandma Kay Lynn complimented us on how organized it was. Your dad took all the kids on a treasure hunt, we played a trivia game, had cake, and opened presents! You really enjoyed opening presents. One of the presents you opened and immediately said "I want this!" We were like "Bently it's yours!" Finally the moment arrived. It was time to give you your bike. A couple weeks ago we tried to set you on a bike in Walmart and you had a melt down. Ran two aisles away and cried because you were so scared! Now you have to understand you had been asking for a bike for your birthday for weeks. We were so excited to give it to you and had already purchased a bike when you had your meltdown. We were only putting you on a bike to make sure we bought the right size. We were very nervous to give you one. I was scared of your reaction. Would you cry? Or cover your eyes and hide? I brought it out and at first you just sat there. Staring. Then your dad whispered in your ear, "Dont be scared! Be excited because mom and dad are going to help you and you have nothing to be afraid of!" With a little encouragement you climbed on and even smiled a little bit! I was so relieved!

Monday we went to the zoo! It was what you wanted to do for your birthday! I was so worried because the weather forecast was pretty much rain all day. But we chose what I hoped would be the golden couple hours and we headed out. Grandma Kay Lynn came with us  and when we arrived it was pretty cold. The first thing we saw was the giraffs. Which are our favorite animal! You saw them and immediately grinned and exclaimed, "giraffes!!! That's my favorite animal!!!!" I thought then and there that this day was worth it even if we froze and it rained on us. Because you were so purely happy in that moment. 

Luckily, it didn't rain on us! We actually got some sun! We had a blast! The animals were active! The lions were roaming, the Bears were chasing each other, and you enjoyed every minute of it! Zoo days are my favorite!!!! There is just something magical about the zoo and spending time together there!!!! :D 

Tuesday I took pictures for the Wurstens. Their daughter Ella is six or so months younger than you. You guys had a blast playing together! You ran around chasing each other and screaming!! You scream all the time. It was fun to watch you play. You had a lot of time with kids and I loved watching you interact! You definitely are at a social age. 

Oh also in Saturday we got to see your new nephew, Bransen. You weren't very interested in the baby but you and Brynnlee had a blast together! :) 

Today was a big day. We were finally home and you had a chance to ride your big kid bike. We did it while Olivia was napping so we could focus on you. You were nervous at first but you gained your courage fast. You even caught onto pedaling rather quickly. Granted you still get stuck a lot and move slow but your getting there. During your bath time tonight you asked if you could ride your bike tomorrow. So Inthink that means you like it. :) oh also I may have got misty eyes watching you ride today. You just seemed way too grown up!!!

I love you handsome man! You keep me smiling and I live for your sweet hugs and kisses! I'm going to enjoy every second I get with you!

Love,

Mom

Dear Bently,

I have so much to catch up on and no time to do it! So sorry in advanced if I skim a little!

First off, Christmas!! Christmas was crazy this year due to the fact that we moved to Vernal on the 5th of December. I felt like everything was rush rush rush because that's how it was. Rush to move, rush to unpack, rush to set up Christmas, just rush. That made it hard but honestly it was a very incredibly happy Christmas. Except for the fact Liv and I were sick! ;) Christmas morning you woke up at your normal time and were pretty content just to sit and play with the tablet. That was going very well till I started asking you what presents you think you got! Ops! Then all you wanted to do was go down stairs and open them! Livvy decided not to wake up till almost nine! That was crazy. When we finally got down stairs, well, you were adorable! You could literally just feel the magic of Christmas pouring out of you! The look on wonderment in your eyes had my heart melting! After inspecting all the presents you proudly exclaimed, "Let's open them!" Haha! You were okay doing stockings first and I think you got a ton of things you wanted! You did ask Santa for Jake and the Neverland Pirate figurines. It's one of your new favorite shows. We bought them for you and then Christmas Eve you informed us you wanted 4 guys not 3. You wanted the 3 main chractars and the bird. Ops. Too late. So when you opened it you asked where the bird was! Haha! We sorta just moved on. ;) You weren't too heart broken and still love your Jake toys! :) The highlight of Christmas is we got you and Livvy a play kitchen. Now we had this in the box in the family covered by blankets for a week. For your credit, you did really good not peaking. But it didn't last and you did get a slight look. So when we brought it down you eagerly exclaimed, "A kitchen!" It was adorable to watch you squeal in delight! You sure do love making us food. You'll tell us if it's a hot food or a cold food. If it's hot I have to blow on it and if it's a cold food I have to make a funny face after swallowing! ;) You also will randomly bring me silverware and insist I cut the food. To be told I love it! I'll play kitchen with you anytime! You never really grow up, you just get taller! :)

New Years Eve we went back to Davis county and spent it at Aunt Shawna's house! That was so much fun! You fell asleep in the car on the way down so you were not tired at all. So guess who stayed up with us till the new year? I don't think you got what was going on but you were eager to tell us "Happy New Year" and dance around! You then stayed up till 2 in the morning because you don't like sleeping in new places. The next day we spent seeing Grandma Kay Lynn and Granpa Paul and Grandma and Grandpa Hodson. We got our presents from them and you are a little too good at presents now and kept asking for more. I guess I need to teach you about gratitude before next year! :) All your Grandparents were exstatic to see you and I must admit, so was I. It made me a little home sick for the first time! We had a blast hanging out with everyone!

Driving back to Shawna's you fell asleep in the car but you made sure to tell us in your half asleep voice, "When I wake up I'm going to play with Kara!" You guys were best buddies this trip and were never apart from each other!

We were also able to see Gradma Curtis and Aunt Courtney, Brittney, Bryson, and Brynnlee, and the Hyers. It was a busy trip full of driving around and visiting everyone we could. We still missed some but it was fun! I told your Dad we can't go back for a couple months because it was exhausting! ;)

So today, 1/5/2014 was your first day in Primary! Now you were not prepared. I kept telling you there was no more nursery but you didn't quite understand. When I found your class and took you in, you suddenly grabbed onto my neck and wouldn't let go. You just sat there with your head buried. I tried to point out your best friend Riley (a girl from nursery, not your cousin) was there but that didn't really help. I didn't know what to do. I did not expect this reaction because you are usually such a brave child. Luckily I convinced you to sit in your seat next to Riley and you seemed okay so I left. I listened in at the door at one point and heard you eagerly exclaiming your desire to help so I guess you got over it fast! When I picked you up from Primary I asked how you liked it and the first thing you said was, "There was no sack or toys!" Haha! Nope there isn't. Then you told me next week your going to nursery. I think everyone wishes they could go to nursery! :)

I can't even describe how old you seem! I mean I have a kid in Primary! It's crazy to think about, but it's also so exciting to watch you grow up!

You do this thing were you sometimes will avoid crying. I can tell you want to cry  but you stop yourself. I always tell you it's okay to cry but you admittedly exclaim "no!" It's cute and sad! I hate watching you try and hold off the tears! You don't have to be big yet! Your only 3! You can always cry to me!

My new favorite thing you do is you will answer questions so adorably. I will say "Bently do you love me?" and you say after a long pause, "Uhhhh sure." Or "I guess so". You say these answers with the most interesting face. You talk out of the side of your mouth. It's crazy adorable. It makes me laugh super hard. Especially when I ask that question because in my opinion that should be a resounding yes! ;)

You talking out the side of your mouth!

There was something else I wanted to say but I can't remember it for the life of me! I love you my big primary kid! :)

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

We moved! We are living in Vernal now, thus the hiatus in my letters! And the very best thing about moving, I'm a stay at home mom! I'm so super excited and have been loving being home with you cuties! On to the letter. 

So I fee weird starting this way but you have become much more independent in the bathroom! You can now basically do pee all by yourself! It's been super fantastic actually. You really don't like doing things yourself and avoid it if we'll do it for you. So it was a pretty big surprise where one day I caught you going potty by yourself! It made me wonder how long you've been doing it for. :) 

You've done pretty good with the move. You'll sometimes ask to go to grandmas or grandpas house and you ask about preschool but the translation has been smooth overall. I keep asking if you like the old house or new house better and you keep saying the old house. I guess we'll see if that opinion ever changes! 

So I try really hard to not let you see me cry, but sometime it happens. It's happened twice recently. Probably because I'm overly emotional with the stress of moving. Anyways the first time I was crying because I lost my wallet with a lot of cash in it. You were so sweet. You kept telling Livvy not to talk because mommy lost her wallet. You kept telling me not to be sad. The second time I was hiding in my closet so you wouldn't see me crying. Apparently you noticed and told dad mom sad. I go hug her. You immediately came up stairs calling my name and told me not to be sad giving me lots of hugs and kisses. I can't even tell how grateful I was to have you to cheer me up. You made my mommy heart just melt into a puddle! 

Last night dad was working so it was just me putting you to bed. It you asked me to lay next to you. I decided to enjoy the moment and I did. We giggled and talked and cuddled and you gave me tons of hugs and kisses!!! I love that you give me tons of hugs and kisses. I cherish moments like that one! It was so incredibly perfect I found myself tearing up just holding you and cuddling you and thinking of how fast you're growing up! 

We decorated the Christmas tree! You loved it of course! You did pretty good at putting the ornaments on actually. And enjoyed telling us all about them! The only problem is you still love the ornaments and often take them off though you have been told not to. I think it's mostly because of olivia. She is a bad influence on you. I don't think you quite understand that she is held to different rules than you. Last night you guys knocked the Christmas tree over! I can't say if it was you or liv but I believe it was a team effort. You mostly just thought it was hilarious! 

So I don't know if I've mentioned this before but you refuse to let anyone else have your favorite things as theres. For example your favorite color is green and so is dads. Whenever dad says his favorite color is green and adamantly exclaim "No! Your favorite color is blue!" You both have many arguements about this fact. Well it turns out giraffes are your favorite animal and they are mine too. So whenever I tell you giraffes are my favorite animal you always say, "No mom, your favorite animal is hippos!" It is hilarious to try and argue the point. But I don't mind too much because you are so adorable and I love you having favorites. When we went to the zoo you exclaimed, "Oh giraffes that my favorite animal!" You exclaim this every time you see green or giraffes or animal mechanicals, ect. It's pretty dang adorable. I love how excited you get over things now. 

Speaking of things you love all the Christmas lights. My favorite part is you have started adding L's into random words. So Christmas lights is chilstmas lights. Or today you said "plenguins" I don't know why you do it but it's adorable. :)

Alright this letter has become much longer than I expected. I love you my adorable little guy! I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with you!

Love,

Mom