Dear Bently,

We went to the pumpkin patch yesterday! We drove an hour to go but boy was it worth it! You had a blast. You were so excited about everything! We went down slides and fed goats and got pumpkins. It was just fantastic! :) I loved watching how happy you were! 

I must admit my favorite part of the evening was when you stole a peice of licorice! Now it wasn't your fault per say. They just had a tub sitting out so you grabbed one. But that wasn't the good part. The good part is you immediately without being asked exclaimed, I'm going to share this with Olivia. You broke it in half and gave her some. My mommy heart was just glowing. I was so proud of you. It's the little moments like this that give me hope I'm not totally screwing you up! ;) you are a good sharer. I hope you always are giving to others! I love you handsome!

Love, 

Mom

Dear Bently,

You are in this adorable stage where you love the mail. Now going to get the mail has always been a highlight in our family. We usually all go to get the mail together. You love it! One day I sent a letter to Aunt Janaye and you were fascinated by the process. So now you color us pictures put them in envelopes and then into the mailbox. You get so excited every time for us to get our mail from you. You jump up and down and squel the whole way to the mailbox. I love watching you be so excited and happy! Even though we're wasting more envelopes then I could count, it's worth it. :D

You also have rediscovered you love of coloring. You have always loved to color but you stopped doing it for awhile. Well the love is back. You color all the time. We had to buy more coloring books because you had gone through our old ones! You literally spend hours coloring! And you've gotten really dang good! You color inside the lines now and everything! :) I don't even bother putting the coloring stuff away anymore because I know it will be back out in a matter of minutes! I love my artistic boy. 

Today was your second day of preschool and you did so good! You were so excited to go. I was a little sad watching you go. You didn't even look back. I yelled I love you a couple times as you walked in. You're just getting to big handsome!

I love you! 

Mom

Dear Bently,

You're new brother is here! You love him! You were so dang excited to see him! You jumped up and down and screamed when grandma kaylynn told you he was born! The love hasn't died but you definitely aren't gentle with him. I wish you were more gentle. Maybe that will come with time. Or you'll just make Lincoln super tough! :)

So after much debate your dad and I decided to put you in preschool. We had to drop you from one preschool because we couldn't afford it. I had huge mommy guilt. But luckily we found a free online preschool. You've loved doing that. Well I was on a waiting list for a cheaper preschool and they wrote me to say they had a spot available. Well then we couldn't decide if we should put you in or not. I knew it would be good for you but it was still another bill we would have to add. Also you really didn't want to go to a physical preschool. You were terrified. Finally after two weeks we decided to just do it. We didn't tell you you were going until the morning of. And after you had gone potty, eaten breakfast, and gotten dressed. I knew it would not be pretty when we told you and boy it wasn't. You cried and screamed and tried to go back to bed. We literally forced you into the car. Luckily your cousin Skyler is in the same class. So I planned with aunt Jen to arrive at the same time. You cried the whole way telling us you didn't want to go. When we pulled up and got out and immediately ran to Aunt Jen's arms and she with a big smile on her face told you how much fun you were going to have. You stopped crying and willingly walked inside. I immediately loved your teacher Mrs Sherri. You even ran off without us downstairs to the preschool room. You didn't cry when we said goodbye. And I didn't cry either surprisingly. I think I was just so shocked we could leave and you weren't throwing a fit. It went so much better than I expected. :) I'm so proud of you my big boy!!! :) Now you are so excited for preschool! You ask every morning if you're going. We started you on fall break so you only got to go one time this week. I hope you love it as much next week! :) 

Love,

Mom

Dear Bently,

So we went to California for a little family vacation. To be honest it almost didn't happen and it was stressful but I'm so dang glad we went! We drove through the night the first night and were a trooper! You slept the entire time! You were the most well rested of any of us that's for sure! I think you really loved staying in a hotel. I didn't know how much you liked it till we got home. It's all you've been talking about. You even play with your toys that they're staying in the hotel! :) 

I love watching you spend time with your Great Grandma and Grandpa Stetson. These two are so important to me! I love them so much. I always watch them and wonder what kind of Grandpa my Dad would be. You weren't shy at all with them and walked right up giving them both hugs and calling them Grandma and Grandpa! I was so glad that you kind of remembered them. I think most of it was talking about them before we went down! :) 

We went swimming at the hotel pool one day. To be honest this is one of my favorite memories from the trip. It was just the four of us and we had a blast. You and Olivia loved swimming with your floaties and giving me heart attacks! Both of you were really brave around the water! :) It was just fantastic to watch you and Liv and your Dad playing. Of course I played too, but I can't watch myself! ;) You were pretty brave and even jumped from the edge into our arms! :) That's a big improvement in the brave Bently skills! :) 

Another highlight was going to the beach. :) I wondered how you and Olivia would react and I was very excited to see what happened. You liked the water for about two seconds before you decided it was scary! You would occasionally come back in when prompted but you never got over your fear. To be honest I don't know how much fun you actually had at the beach. I know you loved building sand castles with us. And we buried your legs in the sand which you also loved. But there were a lot of rough moments for you! We had to rinse you off because you were covered in sand but you refused to go in the water so we brought buckets of water up and dumped them on your head. We were pretty much done when you had a mini freak out and ran away and into a hole. Again covering your self with sand! You were hilarious. You actually fell in the sand quite a few times and mostly you would just lay there, looking pathetic until someone came and picked you up. You were very cold and done by the end. I have some adorable pictures of you pouting at the beach! ;) Another bad thing that happened to you was: You wanted to come in the water with me. I called you out and honestly I wasn't very deep. You started running to me. You hadn't gotten very deep when a wave was coming and you got hit smack int he chest knocking you over and dragging you to shore. Magically you kept your head above the water which was good because you didn't drowned but also amazing because it meant your Dad and I got a great view of your facial expression. It's so mean to laugh but your panicked face was  hilarious! Your Dad and I both laughed a really long time at you. Which you did not appreciate! ;) You must not have hated it though because you still talk about the beach and going back. Actually you ask all the time when we can go sleep in a hotel again or go on vacation! You just loved it that much!

I wanted to write down that you always say, "mean" instead of "mad". I've tried correcting you but it does no good. It's hard to take you seriously when you are saying "I'm so mean at you!" It's pretty stinking adorable! :) 

Oh we went camping! I don't know where the idea came from but you decided one day you wanted to go camping and never really let the idea go. Now I'm pretty darn pregnant and it's September so I was a little concerted about going camping. But once you sad you wanted to go camping and see the stars I felt like I couldn't tell you no. So literally the same day we went is when we decided we were going. It was extremely last minute! We were going to do hot dogs for dinner but you don't like hot dogs for some weird reason. So we made tinfoil dinners, loaded up the car and went. We received a recommendation for a campsite since we didn't know any in the area. We were concerned because we were going the Wednesday-Thursday before Labor day weekend. We weren't sure how many people would be there. Well when we arrived it turns out we were the only people there besides an elderly couple! It was a beautiful place! It was right by a lake and there were cows everywhere! We set up the tent with some difficulty seeing as you and Olivia kept crawling under the tent claiming to be bugs! ;) We got the fire going which you loved! 

Then it was time to go to the bathroom because again I'm pregnant. And you of course had to go as well. The bathrooms were really clean but they were just an outhouse. No running water at all. No sink no nothing. I didn't realize how much this would concern you. You kept asking me where the flusher and the sink were. You then proceeded to show me where the flusher and the sink "used" to be. Every time we went you were concerned about this. It kept me giggling and made all the potty breaks worth the effort! :) At one point we went to the bathroom and it was almost dark. You ask if Daddy and Olivia were going to leave us. I said, "No remember we're staying here tonight." You looked up at me with your innocent little blue eyes and shakily said, "Here? In this bathroom?" I laughed really hard! :) It was pretty cute that you thought we were sleeping in the bathroom.

We saw lots of animals including a bunch of rabbits. You loved the rabbits and asked you what their names were. They were Tarzan and Tarzan's girlfriend. You always forget her name is Jane. You loved watching for them and telling us which rabbit it was. I think there were probably more than two rabbits in our camp area but you always were convinced it was the same two! We also saw a chipmunk that you ask if you could pet. (uh..no) :) And lots of deer! 

You wanted to see the stars so we stayed up later than we normally would have with two little kids. Well Dad got impatient and gave you Dramamine to help you sleep but we didn't time it so good so you were loosing it because you got so tired. So you saw stars but you were a little cranky, begging to go in the tent and sleep. Well we finally did! We didn't have padding for you so you slept on the hard floor in a sleeping bag. I don't think you cared though, you fell asleep pretty fast!

The next morning we were trying to clean up and leave but you were having a rough morning. You were tired cranky and emotional! You kept hitting Olivia/not listening and finally your Dad and I had enough. After both of us getting after you, you sadly exclaimed, "Why is everyone picking on me!?!" It was sad and hilarious! 

The next day we had promised you we were going to play in the lake that was close by. But we woke up to cold and cloudy weather. I kept hoping it would clear up by the time we left but that didn't happen. We had been the lake the day before to cope it out and had decided since no one was there we would wade in the lake by the boat ramp. Well, when we drove up the boat ramp was covered in a herd of cows. Now your Dad and I aren't big animal people and we weren't sure how the cows would react to us. I was ready to give up but you were crying pretty hard begging to go to the lake and swim. You told us you loved being cold! Haha! So we must have looked crazy as we changed you into your swimming suit and marched down to the lake a little ways away from the cows. While the boat ramp part of the lake was rocky, this part of the lake was muddy. Extremely muddy. You were so angry we weren't at the other part and we told you to get in but you didn't really want to. Finally as your Dad and I are discussing our options you bravely try and walk in the water. Well you stepped straight into what looked like a shallow puddle but was actually a hole that was mud up to your knees! If that wasn't hilarious enough when we got you out of the mud puddle you had landed on your bum and thus had a big muddy stain in the middle of your butt! We kept teasing you that you pooped your pants which made you really mad! Ops!

Finally we decided to brave the cows because you were so sad! Luckily the cows moved away from us and it turned out to be a pretty enjoyable time at the lake. Mostly you and Olivia just threw rocks of the shore. It really was cold! But you told me you had fun and loved the lake! You were so happy after being so sad that it was worth it!! I love making your dreams come true, even if they're just the little ones! :) 

Wow, this letter turned out much longer than I anticipated! I love you so much handsome boy! You make me a better person every day! I love experiencing all of life's new adventures with you! :) 

Love,

Mom

Dear Bently,

I just wanted to write down to cute things you said over the past couple days! The first is you are always asking to look at pictures of random things on my phone. Sometimes it's something you don't recognize but mostly it's animals. We look at dogs, cats, starfish, ect. Well today you were asking me to look at a picture of a dog I think, and you ask me to "google goggle" it! I had you repeat it a couple times just because it was so darn cute! I hope you always call it google goggle! :)

The second is we were at the park and a little boy kept throwing himself down the slide while screaming, "Calabunga!!" Not to be out down you immediately follow suite, head first down the slide. Though you started screaming out, "California!" Hahaha!  Obviously you haven't seen much ninja turtles! :)

I love you cutie!

Love,
Mom

Dear Bently,

Being a parent is hard. So much harder than I imagined. I guess that's not 100% true. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the constant need, that all I expected. That I was mostly prepared for. I expected that to be the hard part. But I'm learning that's actually the easy part. That part has usually simple answers. Take naps, time out, and endless patience. The hard part is the problems where the answers aren't so easy. Where you don't know the right answer or if there is one. 

I talked to you about your fears. It's been a struggle. You currently are laying in my bed. Every light in the room is on. We have music going and your stuffed monkey sitting on top of your head. You're terrified. So you sit with your head under monkey. You screamed and cried.  You looked at me with a red face, tears streaming down your cheeks, and begged me to stay. To cuddle with you! And boy do I want to. But at the same time, I know I can't live the next months cuddling you till you fall asleep. I'm going to have a newborn. And I need to get housework and other things done. If I cuddle you, you stay awake for hours. I assured you a hundred times your safe and I love you. But leaving and walking out of that room maybe one of the hardest things I've done as a parent thus far. I just want to protect you and keep you safe. I want you to feel safe. I don't know how to help you and it's killing me. So while your dad easily headed down stairs I sit here. In the hallway. Trying not to cry myself. I don't want you to be scared and alone. Even if you don't know I'm here, it makes me feel better. I hope you know I love you with my whole heart. More than I ever thought possible. I never want you to experience any sort of pain. But I know it helps you grow and learn. I just hope you know I'm always here for you. Loving and supporting you even if you may not be able to see me. I love you Bently Elmer. I hope one day you can read these words as an adult and feel my love. And know I didn't leave you. That I sat on the floor in the hallway wishing you peace. I love you sweet boy!!

Love,

Mom

Dear Bently,

I have been seriously slacking on writing you letters! To be fair life has been crazy busy around these here parts! I don't know if I've mentioned it yet but you are getting a new sibling! Actually really soon! I'm due in like 56 days or something! :) You're going to get a new brother! I am excited and terrified to see how it goes adding another one this time around! It's weird because you actually mostly understand what's going on. You talk about the baby all the time and are always wanting to feel him move or listen to his heartbeat. Olivia has no idea, but you kid, you are excited to get a little brother! :)

Okay I have made a list of things I wanted to mention to you so sorry if this letter is a little random!

You say "Ah!" When something is cute! You also put on this high pitched voice and it's pretty hilarious! You'll say things like "Ah what a cute little bird!" Or "Cute little doggy!" You are always making us laugh with that one!

You say restaurant so funny! I keep trying to film it! You leave out the t so it sounds like resaurant. It maybe my favorite word you say!

One of things I love about you that I've mentioned before is you will randomly tell me you love me. Or you'll say it to Dad. Just out of no where you'll say, "I love you Mom!" Every time it makes my little heart melt. :) One time I was going to the bathroom down stairs so you had to go upstairs to go. Well I was stuck on the toilet so I couldn't exactly go to you! Well Olivia and your Dad were sleeping and you kept yelling down at me. I kept trying to loudly tell you to be quiet but it wasn't working! You were just yelling down random things about going to the potty or what we were going to do that day. I kept getting more and more frustrated till finally you yelled down "MOM" and I snapped, "What!!!"  In a little bit quieter voice you say, "I love you!" Talk about making me feel guilty! You little stinker! :)

You have this weird tick lately where the toilet lids always have to be shut. I think it's because you've witnessed me drop quite a few things into the toilet and it's made you paranoid! Ops! Sometimes I'll barley stand up after using the bathroom and you are right behind me shutting it. I mean they have to be shut. So often you'll yell to me, "shut the toilet mom!" It's not such a bad thing I guess. Just kind of a strange thing for you to be worried about! ;)

The other day I was talking to you and out of no where you said, "You're a good mom" Let me tell you that just made my entire year! I couldn't believe you would think to say something like that all by yourself! Especially on a day where I wasn't feeling like a good mom. It's moments like those that make all the frustrating ones worth it! You are so cute my son and I just can't help but love you to pieces!

Another cute story is you were praying the other night and you just recently have started to switch up your prayers. You used to always say the same thing. It went like this. "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day. Thank you for Dad, Mom, Olivia, Bently, and baby. Please bless I'll sleep all night long. In the  name of Jesus Christ Amen." So when you started switching it up I got really excited because you currently say pretty much 100% of the prayers in our house! Well one night you said, "Please bless we'll be a family forever and have fun!" I can't even tell you how much I hope we'll be a family forever! :) I'm glad you want to keep us around!

The last thing is your fears. You've always been a pretty anxious child but lately something has really triggered fears in you. You refuse to be left alone anywhere. You won't go anywhere without me or Dad or Liv and you are terrified to sleep at night. I feel but and frustrated all at once! It's frustrating because you can't tell me what you're afraid of. You just say everything! You will sleep with Olivia but she cries if you go in there before she's asleep. Before I would just have you fall asleep in our room and then move you once you were both asleep. Obviously that doesn't work anymore. I can't decide if I should coddle you or give you some tough love! Last night was the worst! I couldn't get Olivia to sleep and you wouldn't sleep and I had been trying for an hour and a half. Your Dad was at work so it was just me and I was pregnant emotional and done. I just wanted to get things done and I was tired of sitting in my room waiting for you to go to sleep, again, for 90 minutes! Finally you said, "Mom" and I snapped, "What Bently!?!" Well I guess you were emotional too because you burst into tears and sobbed, "Don't yell at me, I'm tired and sick!" (You have a cold) It broke my heart and I felt so bad for snapping at you! (I didn't yell by the way). I immediately cuddled you in bed and told you how sorry I was! I'm working on patience but it is not an easy thing to gain that's for sure! I hope we can figure out what's scaring you so badly. It's gotten to the point where you won't even go to the bathroom by yourself because you're scared. Wish us luck figuring out how to help you!

I love you more than I could put into words Bently! I love 4 year old you! I love hearing what you are thinking and what you want. I could listen to you talk all day, and I do! ;)

Love,
Mom